i barfeds in our rink
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
