Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
