Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
