I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
