Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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