if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
