Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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