never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
