turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
