Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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