You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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