That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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