were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
