Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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