Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
