Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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