I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize