K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
