Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
