i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
