Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
