I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
