I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
