the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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