Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
