never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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