Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
