do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
