I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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