we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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