i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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