he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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