no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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