bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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