dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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