Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
