I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
