Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
