just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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