I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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