she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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