My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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