You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
