My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize