if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
