ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
