it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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