my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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