There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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