I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
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my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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