Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
