Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
