Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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