I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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