I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My ass is underappreciated
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
