You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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