so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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