My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
